Trollin' in the Deep
by The Girl in the Dream
Summary: Kyouko and Mami install Trollian, a new chat client, on their computers. Multi-crossover with Homestuck and several other fandoms. Crack-y. I'll take crossover suggestions! (Image by Scoutsmother)
1. Mami: Install Trollian

_A/N: Jay again, and this is my first story that WON'T be a oneshot! This is just the introductory chapter. I'll be taking suggestions for the characters Mami and Kyouko chat with. Remember to read and review! :)_

Trollin' in the Deep

Mami rapped her fingers on the desk as the loading bar inched its way towards the 100% mark. She wasn't quite sure _what_ the program Kyouko sent her even was, but the red-haired girl had insisted upon finding some sort of electronic means of communication. "Besides," Kyouko had mumbled through a mouth stuffed with pastry, "The whole telepathy business freaks me out a little. I always feel like Kyubey's listening in, ya know?"

Right.

The screen blipped to life as a "Loading Complete!" appeared and a new window popped up. Time to see what Kyouko was so adamant about getting her to download.

As she input her handle, the first thing Mami noticed was the rather gaudy color scheme. A rather garish red with black seemed to be the default for this program. Typical, given that Kyouko always had a soft spot for bright reds. She took note of the self-explanatory name, Trollian, and the fiendish-looking icon it displayed on her otherwise flowery desktop. Mami pinched the bridge of her nose with a free hand. Oh goodness, this was probably some ploy to spam her computer with pictures of food, or worse, some type of pornography.

Before she could get to her control panel to uninstall this awful thing, she received a message.

**chimericalIllusionist [CI] began trolling aureateCulinarian [AC]**

**CI**: mamiiiiii! it's kyouko!

**AC**: Sakura-chan?

**CI**: KYOUKO! get it right! :P

**AC**: Okay, fine, "Kyouko." Goodness, I don't see why you insist upon such informalities when you know that I'm quite fond of formalities. (^_^*)

**AC**: Anyways, I now know that you had me install an instant-messaging system, but what for? You were very vague about the reasoning. And why this particular one of all systems? It looks terrible!

**CI**: i'm getting to that!

**CI**: anyways, this one has some pretty kickass features that come bundled with the download. B)

**CI**: hence the ridiculous file size.

**AC**: Okay, like what?

**CI**: oh, um, i'll show you a few of them when i get to your house. i'll be there in a few minutes! but for now, just troll any of these handles right here:

**AC**: Kyouko, I'm not going to troll anyone for you.

**CI**: there's commandingCavalier. He's a dick, but he tries to play it off as being really gentlemanly and shit. it's pretty hilarious.

**CI**: then there's gallowsCalibrator, who's actually pretty cool peeps? actually, she contacted ME first. she's kind of like me, too, so she's bound to be fun to talk to. ;)

**CI**: OH don't forget to chat with temperedCombatant. i think he's your type, winky winky! ;D

**AC**: Kyouko!

**CI**: ;D

**AC**: By the way, how did you find all these handles…?

**CI**: lots of random typing. a lot of it's the result of a really boring sunday morning a week or two ago.

**CI**: anyways, i'll be off now! amuse yourself in the meantime.

**chimericalIllusionist [CI] has ceased trolling aureateCulinarian [AC]**

Mami stared blankly at her screen. _No, I will not play her little game,_ she thought.

But the temptation was still there.

_Maybe just one chat couldn't hurt. I've gone through a lot of trouble installing this thing anyways_, she thought. Mami shrugged. She didn't quite trust Kyouko's judgment enough to warrant starting a conversation with someone Kyouko claimed was "her type." And gallowsCalibrator just _sounded_ intimidating.

She lifted her fingers tantalizingly over the keyboard.

**aureateCulinarian [AC] began trolling commandingCavalier [CC]**

_A/N: Remember to review this story down here! Thank you!_


	2. CC: Reunite with Loving Sister

_A/N: Hey there, Jay again! This is the first chapter with the first crossover. An offline friend of mine requested this one. Don't worry; if you aren't familiar with the characters, it should still make sense! That's how all the crossovers will be. These first 3 chapters will include the 3 handles mentioned in the previous chapter, and thereafter will involve suggested characters. Enjoy. :-)_

**Chapter 2**

_CC: Reunite with loving sister_

**aureateCulinarian [AC] began trolling commandingCavalier [CC]**

**AC**: Hello? May I make your acquaintance?

**CC**: I should have this blasted thing exorcised stop

**AC**: Beg pardon?

**CC**: Do not play dumb with me stop It seems that you are communicating to me through some unknown technology stop

**AC**: I'm not quite sure why you're omitting punctuation? Unless this is some sort of trick.

**CC**: But it appears as though you are the one trying to do the tricking stop But you underestimated me AC stop

**AC**: No, really! I'm at a loss here. My friend CI had me download a program and gave me the option of communicating with you.

**CC**: There you go again with your pseudo-technological gibberish stop Whoever you and CI are you have had your laugh stop Now cease communications at once stop

Mami's stomach dropped. Whatever this technology was, it was _not_ normal.

**AC**: Pardon me. Tell me, through what means of communication are you contacting me?

**CC**: Electrical telegraph stop

Finding herself at a loss, the blonde found herself searching through the top "Features" tab on her own. One option in particular, a little selection called "Timeline," caught her eye. She hesitated for a moment, the arrow key hovering over the word, but soon enough she found herself double-clicking it.

Immediately, a new window popped up, along with the text, "Now Viewing: commandingCavalier." The window featured what appeared to be a real-time display of another room. But there was one problem.. The room was astoundingly dated, but ornately decorated in such a way that evoked the feel of a 19th century European palace. (In fact, Mami was quite fond of the bright, flowery wallpaper and the harp, but she would never admit it aloud.)

She read off the authors' names off the books that lovingly adorned the bookcases on the wall. They were overwhelmingly French. Mami snickered a little; whoever this was, he was obviously some sort of Francophile. The only thing that betrayed the mustachioed man's American origins were the legal documents on the table and the pretty southern belle in a nearby picture frame.

**AC**: Judging by your choice of interior design, I'm going to assume that CI gave me the handle of someone from the past. In other words, I'm from your timeline's future.

**CC**: What

**CC**: WHAT stop

**AC**: It's true. I'm Mami Tomoe, but you can call me AC for convenience.

Mami watched the screen intently. Just as CC was about to send out his next message, a daintily-dressed black girl (probably a servant, as Mami assumed) knocked on the door and entered.

"What, what is it?" CC said, eyes unmoving from the telegraph machine.

"Monsieur Candie, your sister has arri-"

Before she could even finish, he bolted out the door, with Mami's eyes following him every step of the way.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!"

**commandingCavalier [CC] has run away screaming.**

Mami stared on. "I… what."

"WHERE IS MY SISTEEEEEEER?!"

The mustachioed man ran out to the front of (what Mami assumed was) his house and into a hot southern night. He practically jumped into the carriage carrying the southern belle Mami recognized from the picture frame.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Mami thought she heard the faint, muffled lyrics of the song 'How Do I Live?' playing in the distance.

"EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEee eEEeEEEEEEEEeeEEeeeeeeeeeeee eeEEe!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"EEEEeeeeeeEeeEeEeeeeeeeeeeee eEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee eee!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEE-"

Mami muted her computer. The siblings continued to flail.

It was just then that Kyouko let herself into Mami's flat. Mami didn't even notice; she was too entranced by CC and his sister's movements, as well as the exasperated looks on the faces of the surrounding servants.

Kyouko munched on a stick of strawberry Pocky. Finally, after a few awkward seconds, Mami exited out of the CC's window entirely.

"… I see you've figured out how to use the Timeline feature."

The blonde didn't respond; she simply stared blankly stared at the screen. Finally, she opened her mouth.

"Kyouko?"

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck was that?"

_A/N: Sorry if anyone's OOC or if this chapter wasn't great; I'm working out a few of the kinks! Pilot episode! That and this story's a bit parodic by nature, so I guess that's to be expected. This one was a Django Unchained crossover featuring a slightly younger Calvin Candie and his sister. (Wow I write too much for that fandom… OH WELL ADGSKFJGSD). The next one will be a really well-known character and not a bigot, I swear._


	3. TC: Charm the shit out of her

Chapter 3

_TC: Charm the shit out of her_

Kyouko stirred the tea within her mug, eyes locked on one particular flower petal swirling throughout the warm brown liquid. The clanging sound of her stirring spoon on ceramic was comforting, to say the least.

"So that's pretty much it, as far as I know. There's some stuff I haven't checked out yet, but as far as all the nifty crap goes, that's what I've found." The almond-eyed girl took a hearty swig of her tea. "It's kind of funny, Mami. Up 'till now I've been your kouhai, but looks like even the mighty Hero of Justice is infallible!"

Mami held a hand to her cheek and smiled. "Well, I can't say I'm very familiar with alien technology myself. Then again, given the things us magical girls face on a daily basis, it's almost surprising we didn't come upon this program sooner!" She peered into her empty mug and fingered the edge for second.

"But still, a southern slaveholder? Ugh. If I had caught on to that sooner, I wouldn't have even bothered trying to be polite."

Kyouko blew a raspberry. "Don't worry, he gets his reward. Around a year later, there's this massive shootout, and a day after that the _whole place_ blows up! It was actually pretty awesome to watch, even if it was online."

Mami placed her cup on the tea tray and stood up. She pointed to Kyouko's mug. "Give."

Kyouko took one last sip and handed her the mug, which Mami placed on the tea tray and carried back to the kitchen.

Kyouko sat at the tea table, legs leisurely folded underneath her. Soon enough, her eyes veered toward Mami's desktop. Mami returned with a latticed slice of blackberry pie, only to find the red-head clacking away at the computer.

"Kyouko!"

"Hey, I haven't done anything! I was just logging you on!"

Mami gently pushed aside the rolling chair Kyouko was seated on. "How did you log me on?"

Kyouko hopped off the seat and pulled it to her companion's side. "You're using the same password as usual. Mami, you can be pretty predictable when it comes to computers!"

Mami's lips quirked into a half-smile. "Well in that case, I suppose I'm blessed to have friends that won't hack my accounts."

Kyouko only smirked and took a glance at the handle names Mami had added to her companions list. She pointed out one name in particular. "Hey, TC's online! Have you talked to him yet?"

"Um… No. Maybe I ought to get to that now."

Kyouko stood staring until she became aware of Mami's look. "Oh, sorry! I'll give ya some privacy!" She proceeded to flop down to her previous position at the tea table. "I'll probably just read your logs later anyways!" she mumbled between bites of the pie Mami placed at the table.

Mami nervously hovered a mouse over the name "temperedCombatant".

**aureateCulinarian [AC] began trolling ****temperedCombatant [TC]**

**AC**: Hello there! ^_^

**TC**: Hello? Are you Miss Tomoe?

Mami quirked an eyebrow.

**AC**: Oh? Who told you?

**TC**: Your friend, CI.

Mami turned around and resisted the urge to slam the table. "Kyouko!"

Kyouko gave a mischievous little laugh. "What?" she asked.

**AC**: What else did she tell you? (0_0*)

**TC**: Nothing else. You have my word on that. She just suggested that we talk, that is all.

She gave a small sigh of relief.

**AC**: Oh dear, I hope this isn't awkward at all for you! I may as well break the proverbial ice with another topic. First of all, who are you?

**TC**: A student. A knight. A warrior. We go by many names, but for now you may simply call me TC.

**AC**: You're not even going to give me your name, Mister Tempered Combatant? For a knight, you seem to lack some chivalry. (uv0*)

**TC**: As much as I'd like to do so, I'm afraid I cannot. For the purposes of safety and the like. Though you may argue that this is unfair, I doubt that intergalactic villains would be out looking for a Miss Mami Tomoe. TC and his apprentice, on the other hand...

**AC**: Fair enough, I suppose.

**AC**: Intergalactic you say? My word, if your civilization has already reached the point of communication with those across the galaxy, what are you doing chatting on a system that's ancient? Comparatively speaking anyways.

**TC**: I find a strange fascination in such forms of technology. Not only that, but I find it to be a fine form of entertainment between the off-hours and the waiting that I often do.

**TC**: Besides, it often allows me to speak to lovely ladies such as yourself…

**AC**: Now you're just trying to flatter me, TC!

**TC**: Perhaps. ;^)

By now, Mami was getting curious. She rolled on over to TC's timeline and selected the quick-view option.

The screen displayed an area that, while charming on its own, was still distinctly alien. It appeared to be some sort of electronic library, with sunbeams trickling in from a few triangular windows. "Bookcases" surrounded and towered over the young man that Mami assumed was TC. A few creatures of multiple species wandered about some of the corridors, all wearing some sort of tan, brown, or black robes that looked like they were made of some sort of itchy burlap.

TC himself seemed to be growing in a beard and held a confident stature, but Mami didn't get her hopes up. For all she knew, he could have been dead for billions of years, or not even be born yet.

"Hey Kyouko, you didn't tell me he was handsome!" Mami called out playfully.

"Got any milk, sis?"

"… Top shelf in the fridge."

**AC**: For an intergalactic organization, it seems like your clothes are quite basic! They look a bit warm, as well, don't you think?

**TC**: My people do not believe in reveling in the excess. It can lead to greed, which in turn leads to feelings of jealousy. I could go on, but I will not bore you with our code of conduct.

**AC**: What a shame! Nothing's wrong with a bit of ornamentation in my opinion, but who am I to judge? (0v0*)

**TC**: Indeed. But in your defense… they could be a bit more comfortable.

It was just then that a little boy with sandy hair came onto the scene. He began tugging at TC's pant leg, to which he replied by standing up.

**TC**: It appears that I must leave for now. My apprentice and I have something scheduled.

AC: It's no bother at all! Goodbye! (n_n*)

**temperedCombatant [TC] has logged out.**

Just then, Kyouko put her face uncomfortably close to Mami's, her milk moustache still fresh. "Done talking? Ya know, you could just go forward on his timeline and talk to him again."

Mami shrugged a little. "No, that's fine. I'd prefer that this whole thing doesn't become a logistical mess!"

"Suit yourself." Kyouko wiped herself off with a sleeve of her jacket.

The veteran Puella Magi grimaced. "Kyouko, that's disgusting. Use a napkin."

"Too late!"

_A/N: Jay again! This one featured a younger Obi-wan and (briefly) Anakin from Star Wars. I guess this takes place between Episodes I and II? Gomenasai if this makes any prequel-haters mad. OTL_

This one's my longest chapter so far? I wanted to establish Mami and Kyouko's current relationship a bit better. I like thinking of this as being the anime timeline post-Madoka's wish. I just wanted to see Mami and Kyouko acting like, well, kids. Especially since we never really get to see them doing so in the anime. I hope you liked this chapter! Remember to leave a comment below, and thanks for reading! :)


	4. GC: Elaborate on freaky alien technology

**Chapter 4**

_GC: Elaborate on freaky alien technology_

**chimericaIIlusionist [CI] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [AC]**

CI: yo, Terezi!

GC: WH4TS UP 4PPL3 B1TCH? :]

CI: hey, don't call me a bitch, you bitch!

GC: SORRY

GC: YOUR FOUL L4NGU4G3 1S B3G1NN1NG TO RUB OFF ON M3 ;]

GC: 4NYW4YS WH4TS UP

CI: not a lot! i'm just at mami's apartment.

GC: W41T

GC: SH3S TH3 D3L3CT4BL3 M4R1GOLD-SC3NT3D ON3 R1GHT

CI: yeah

GC: 4ND TH3 S4D L1COR1C3 ON3 1S HOMUR4

CI: correctamundo.

GC: OK4Y WH4T 4BOUT M4M1

CI: what about her? hmm. well have you talked to her yet?

GC: 4CTU4LLY NO

CI: she's here right now, actually. want to?

GC: SUR3

CI: okay, just don't dick around with her.

GC: TH3N 1 GU3SS 1 WONT 1MP4RT TH3 D3T41LS 4BOU-

CI: NO

GC: :]

**ChimericalIlusionist [CI] has logged off.**

Kyouko spun around in the rolling chair. "Yo, Mami-san!"

"Hmm?" Mami unwrapped a lock of blonde from the hair-curler and looked up from her magazine with wide eyes.

"Wanna talk to GC? She's waiting for you to log on."

Mami cocked her head to the side. "Well, today's been a bit rough. Not only did we have an English exam, but we had to fight a witch on the way back from school." She twirled her hair on her finger. "I'm exhausted to be honest. And besides, can't I just talk to her later? Given how these confounded timelines work, I'm sure she won't have to wait at all."

Kyouko shrugged. "I just thought that maybe it'd be better to just get it out of the way. Come on, she won't bite."

"Oh, all right! Log me on…" Mami uncrossed her legs and heaved her way up from her sitting position.

**gallowsCalibrator [AC] began trolling aureateCulinarian [AC]**

GC: M4M1-S4N

GC: OR WH4T3V3R KYOUKO C4LLS YOU

AC: "OR WH4T3V3R KYOUKO C4LLS YOU".

AC: Well that was a very disparaging way to address me, but okay.

GC: SORRY

GC: MOST OF MY FR13NDSH1PS CONS1ST OF 4 H34LTHY D3GR33 OF HOST1L1TY M1X3D W1TH FORM4L1T13S OF SOM3 SORT

AC: That's perfectly all right. Kyouko explained to me the way troll relationships work.

AC: Though admittedly I believe she simplified it due to her own confusion on the matter.

GC: W3 C4N G3T TO TH4T SOM3 OTH3R T1M3

GC: 1 DO 3NOUGH 3XPL41N1NG W1TH D4V3 4ND COMP4NY

GC: SO 1NST34D T3LL M3 TH1S: WHY Y3LLOW

AC: Excuse me?

GC: 1 M34N... HOW DO 1 PUT TH1S... WH3N 1 SM3LL YOU ON YOUR T1M3L1N3 TH3R3S SO MUCH FR34K1NG FLOW3RY CR4P COM1NG FROM YOU

AC: …

GC: CR4P

GC: OK4Y 1M TRY1NG NOT TO COM3 OFF 4S OFF3NS1V3 BUT 1 GU3SS 1TS NOT WORK1NG

AC: No no no, that's not it at all. I'm just a bit confused as to why you phrased it that way.

GC: HOW SO?

AC: Mind if I list off some questions?

GC: NO… GO R1GHT 4H34D

AC: You used the phrase "smell" instead of look.

GC: 1 THOUGHT KYOUKO TOLD YOU? 1N TH4T C4S3 1 GU3SS 1LL T3LL YOU

AC: Oh no, I know about you being blind and how you use scent and taste to sense things and whatnot! You didn't let me finish. It just took me a while to remember is all.

AC: That and I didn't really take Kyouko very seriously when she told me.

GC: OH

GC: WH4T W4S TH3 S3COND TH1NG

AC: Well, when you said timelines I guess that got me wondering. I know you (and the other trolls) also use Trollian so I have two questions in regards to _that_.

GC: OK4Y SHOOT

AC: Well I know that Kyouko and I can look ahead on some people's timelines. If you don't mind me asking this, can you look ahead on ours?

GC: NO

GC: 1 TH1NK TH4TS ON 4CCOUNT OF TH4T S4D L1COR1C3 G1RLS POW3RS

AC: You mean Homura?

GC: Y3AH

GC: H3R POW3RS 4R3 B4S3D ON T1M3 TR4V3L BUT DU3 TO TH3 N4TUR3 OF HOW H3R POW3RS WORK 1T S33MS TH4T H3R CLOS3 PROX1M1TY TO YOU TWO M3SS3S W1TH TH3 "T1M3L1N3" F34TUR3

GC: TO PUT 1T 1N MOR3 S1MPL3 T3RMS YOUR T1M3L1N3 H4S NO 100% S3T FUTUR3 Y3T B3C4US3 SH3S 4LW4YS FUCK1NG 4ROUND W1TH TH3 P4THS

GC: 1 TH1NK 1F 4NYTH1NG MY OWN 4B1L1T13S G1V3 M3 4 B3TT3R SCOP3 OF YOUR FUTUR3 BUT W3 C4N T4LK 4BOUT TH4T 1N 1TS3LF L4T3R

AC: Okay then. Secondly… as you know I've already spoken with a couple of other people through Trollian.

GC: CORR3CT

AC: But I'm curious as to how that works? I'm positive that at least one of the people I was talking to didn't even have Trollian installed, given that he was communicating via _telegraph_ for goodness' sake.

GC: TO B3 HON3ST 1 C4NT 4NSW3R TH4T... NOT B3C4US3 1M NOT 4LLOW3D TO OR 4NYTH1NG BUT B3C4US3 1 DONT KNOW MYS3LF

GC: JUST 4TTR1BUT3 1T TO CR4ZY 4L13N SCH1ZO-T3CH ;]

AC: I see. Well thank you!

AC: I don't mean to be rude, but I'm very tired. I think I'll be headed to bed soon!

GC: Y34H SUR3 WH4T3V3R

GC: BY3-BY3 M4M1 TOMO3

AC: And goodbye to you…

GC: T3R3Z1 PYROP3 :]

AC: (0v0*) Goodbye Terezi!

**aureateCulinarian [AC] has logged off.**

_A/N: Hey there! I suppose this chapter was more meant to answer a few questions. Or just confuse you even more. Hmm. Anyways, this chapter was a more obvious Homestuck crossover with Terezi being the second person this time around. I'm thinking of bringing in Homura for my next chapter… Anyways, thanks for reading! Remember to comment below, and feel free to ask any questions, or to suggest crossovers and specific characters. :)_


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